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23
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Best Eric Cartman Quotes

South Park is great largely on account of one character: Eric Cartmen. Which of Cartmen's vile, racist, or outrageous statements are the funniest?

Best Eric Cartman Quotes

31.

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Pleasing Jesus

"I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus. I want to feel his salvation all over my face." - Eric Cartman

32.

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Amusing People

"I used to think disabled people were here for my amusement." - Eric Cartman

33.

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Stopping Hitler

"If you had a chance to go back in time right now and stop Hitler, wouldn't you do it? I mean, I personally wouldn't stop him, because I think he was awesome, but you would, right?" - Eric Cartman

34.

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In Hell

"Kenny said in hell people speak Spanish and the water there gives you diarrhea." - Eric Cartman

35.

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Period

"I got my period." - Eric Cartman

36.

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Jew Gold

Cartman: "All Jews carry gold in a little bag around their necks! Hand it over!"
Kyle: "Jews do NOT carry gold in a little bag around their necks. Cartman! Stop playing around!"
Cartman: "Give me your Jew gold now!"
Kyle: "Dude, we don't have time for your stupid jokes! We're gonna die!" - Cartman: "Yes, but you can live if you give me your Jew gold! The decision is yours, Kyle!"
Kyle: "Goddamnit, you know I don't carry gold in a little bag around my neck, Cartman! Whattaya want from me?!"
Cartman: "I want... your Jew gold!"
Kyle: "...Okay, fine! Here!"
Cartman: "Do you think I'm stupid?! I know that all Jews carry fake bags of gold around their necks to keep the real bags of gold around their necks safe! Hand over the real Jew gold, Kyle!!"

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