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23
votes

Best Eric Cartman Quotes

South Park is great largely on account of one character: Eric Cartmen. Which of Cartmen's vile, racist, or outrageous statements are the funniest?

Best Eric Cartman Quotes

11.

1
vote

Bear Hands

"Mr. Jefferson is the best thing that has happen to South Park in a long time in if you screw this up, GOD help me i will rip your balls with my bear hands, you hear me my bear hands." - Eric Cartman

12.

1
vote

Breaking My Balls

Cartman (on phone): "Okay Gary. How about $90 a fetus?"
Gary: "How about $50 a fetus?"
Cartman (on phone): "Come on Gary. You are breaking my balls Gary! You are breaking my balls. How about $70? Okay, I'll call you back."

13.

1
vote

Happily Ever After

"And everyone lived happily ever after...except for Kyle who died of AIDS two weeks later." - Eric Cartman

14.

1
vote

French

"When Hitler rose to power there were a lot of people who just stopped playing... do u know who those people were? ...the French... are you French Clyde?..." - Eric Cartman

15.

1
vote

Sexual Harassment

Mr. Garrison: "...now can anyone tell me what 'sexual harassment' means? Yes, Eric?"
Cartman: "When you're trying to have intercourse with a ladyfriend, and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind."

16.

0
votes

I'll Do What I Want

"Maury, I am out of control. Yeah, I use drugs. I can do what I waunt, biatch! Yeah, I have sex, and I don't use protection! It's my hot body; I'll do what I waunt! I don't go to school and I kill people! What-evah! I'll do what I waunt!" - Eric Cartman

17.

0
votes

Dolphins on Rye

Stan: "Dude, dolphins are intelligent and friendly."
Eric Cartman: "Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise."

18.

0
votes

UltraVibe Pleasure 2000

"Well, I looked in my mom's closet and saw what I was getting for Christmas, an UltraVibe Pleasure 2000." - Eric Cartman

19.

0
votes

Concentration Camp

Jewish Kid: "Is anyone else having problems concentrating on this? I just can't seem to concentrate."
Eric Cartman: "Maybe we should send you to a concentration camp."

20.

0
votes

Ass Day

"Okay, that does it! Why has everything today involved things either going in or coming out of my ass!?" - Eric Cartman

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